Be a Bitch or a Pushover

     Two weeks ago, I wrote about sucking at sales and reaffirmed what I need to do to improve and be more aggressive. I wrote with determination and assurance. However,  the very next day, I got a phone call from a V.I.P. and was given a production job, and I completely sold out. I took the job for a third of what I usually charge and I felt icky about it. 

     This was unusual for me, as I caved in not because I needed the money fast or was competing for the job; they approached me personally and asked me to do it like it was a favor to them. I caved because the person that asked me to do the job is someone I greatly admire and is a real superstar in the art world. The reason this person is successful and wealthy, is because they never cave in. I knew they could afford to pay what the job was worth, but they insisted it be done for much less. I had much to learn from this...


     At that point, I knew that the universe had made this person think of me and impart on me their wisdom. I stood no chance negotiating against not just a master specialist, but a literal celebrity in their field and I felt obligated to submit. I am working to be at their stature in the community and I am being blessed with their presence and teachings.

      Obviously, one does not get that far up on the ladder and not get what they want in negotiations. When haggling price, there is a delicate balance between being a bitch and being a pushover. With this person, I could have been a bitch and said, "I'm sorry, I cannot do it for less", and they would have been just be upset and found someone else to do it, but I lose out and will not get the privilege of spending time with this guru of sorts.(Plus, being a bitch is not a way to win friends in high places.) If I was a total pushover, I would have done it for free just to kiss ass...so not me!

     This was a good lesson for me. This person was neither a bitch nor even close to a pushover, but simply a real badass. The job was extremely difficult physically and took several days to complete, but it is finished. I sit here sore, (sprouting muscles only men should have), with a check on its way, and am uniquely humbled. But, I also feel like a badass for getting it done and aspire to be at the level of my client. It is an awesome balance I look forward to perfecting........some day. 

Wild Strawberry

All artists must eventually seek a muse at some point in their creative endeavors or careers.  Some go to nature, and others go to women, wine and cigars. More unusually, Dame Edith Sitwell would sit in a coffin daily to find inspiration for her writing and Voltaire found his lover's back motivational as a writing desk. This divine inspiration comes in many forms and can be seemingly ordinary or seemingly perverse.

Voltaire (age 41, 18th Cen) Maurice Quentin de La Tour

       

What we seek is not unlike the  goddess muses of the nine daughters of Zues, embodying mythology, memory, comedy, tragedy and the like. Our muse is actually within us. It is our ability to look at something in a different way, see connections of those myths or take notice of the wondrous colors of a landscape and explain its effects on our spirit.      

      

It keeps us embodied with passion and fervor to make our life's work with these things in mind. But the gist of it comes from within us, not our outside world. It is the piss and vinegar of expression and the fire in our bellies. However required to form true artistic expressions, every once in a while, our muse gets lost. Sadly, I  know that dark, empty feeling.

      

At this point, the Artist has to reinvent themselves to adapt and find that place. In order to get there, though, there must be introspection; We must recoil and cocoon as we are visited by images of the past, often coming in the form of coincidences or present-day reminders of those people, places and things we come across as we may journey inward. After weeks or months of self-imposed, scattered isolation, meditation, and/or deconstructing of self, we incidentally change. We become a more defined 'we', (actually, 'I' or 'me'). 

Borg examining himself in the 1957 film Wild Strawberries

In the classic Ingmar Bergman film, Wild Strawberries, Professor Borg finds himself lost at the end of his life and cannot move on to his death without recoiling and being reminded of every event and every person that shaped him through a not-so-random set of circumstances and strangers that he confronts throughout his current conundrum. He goes in and out of focus but everything becomes clear once he starts noticing, knowing himself again and shedding all that kept him from entering the next dimension. 

       I am on a similar journey, as the next dimension I reach is of the ethereal plane and that is where my inspiration will come from. I do not necessarily have to die to ascend to that degree, but like Professor Borg, I have to notice the beauty all around me and remember all the things I have learned from all of the people, places and things encountered thus far and tap in to the creative, collective consciousness.

.

      ____________________________________________________________________

     "The man who arrives at the doors of artistic creation 

               with none of the madness of the muses     

                     would be convinced that technical ability alone was enough to make an artist. 

                   What that man creates by means of reason 

            will pale before the art of inspired beings." 

                                                                                                                  -Plato

I Am Not Afraid to Admit I Suck

      Yes, I can admit it... I sucked at sales. I fell short in my career and was part of that 85% that could not close the sale. I spent so much of my energy in developing relationships and keeping them up, that I felt uncomfortable approaching people for their money. I got stuck here and was ready to give up. 

      Notice I refer to this particular weakness in the past tense. I made a realization of this weakness, and am now confirming my belief that it is behind me. I now am honing my technique to close the deal.

     I have been absorbing all this information about marketing and sales for the past three-four years. My approach was to take every free seminar, free workshop and even pay for workshops and memberships to networking organizations. Some of them were repeats of the same information, but most of these were very helpful in pulling me out of my shell to build relationships and educate me on the tools available to me in the Artists community. I finally FELT the potential to make the sales I wanted... but I always fell short when it came to the conversation of money. I feared rejection. Whole art pieces become actualized on paper, but when I came to sell them, would fail to get the price I wanted or make any money at all.

     Now, I must become master of my domain. Bringing in marketing specialists, action coaches, professional photographers, videographers and all the help I can get will be my focus. Blogging about it all will allow me to process this part and ascend to the highest level I can imagine. I can do this. I am not afraid.

      "Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it...
          that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear. "

                                                                                                         -Dale Carnegie

Is It Crass to 'Shamelessly' Self-Promote?

     When I see Artists, friends or lecturers/presenters who enter the world of shameless self promotion and plug themselves constantly, I can't help but get annoyed by them and question how the ego fits in to all of this. I sometimes find it tactless and lacking sensitivity to send several e-mails plugging one opening, post their unfinished work on Facebook several times a day asking for approval, posting photos of themselves and plug themselves on other peoples comments or pages. I get very turned off and want nothing to do with them, their shows, work or presentations. Then I think, is it healthy in business and as an Artist to be so full of yourself and be all ego or is it better to be more humble and leave pride at the doorstep?

knowhr.com

     It is of vital importance in any walk of life to have a healthy ego in order to live a peaceful life and be comfortable in one's own skin. A healthy ego is defined as a pattern of continuity; the ego says, "This is who I am." The ego works as a guard, standing watch protecting us from harm.  A person with a healthy ego knows who they are and can take criticism well. They can project an effective persona that is genuine and true to themselves, which is attractive and energetic. They have an easier time making friends and interacting with others and attracting business.


     A weak ego is constantly seeking validation from others. I see it all the time on Facebook or in blogs when someone is fishing for compliments on a daily basis through posting photos of themselves looking overtly sexy or multiple photos of their work in progress asking "what do you think of my latest work?" I have been guilty of this myself in the past. It is a seemingly harmless idea that to me is completely transparent. I avoid commenting on these, as they are signs of weakness that I would rather not encourage. If I see in in lectures or spamming ads of openings, my attention is immediately diverted as well.

     Those seeking constant validation are avoiding be honest with themselves or engaging in an honest conversation with others, as they are self aggrandizing and  trying to project the person they wish to be. This betrays their own identity, as they are not coming from a place of strength or wholeness. These posts or plugs often come off as arrogant or conceited and those who see through it are instantly turned off, while unassuming others validate them by commenting on it. This arrogance is compensation for a lack of self-actualization and comfort in what they do or where they are in their lives or careers. 


     A person can shamelessly self promote with fervor and grace as long as they remain balanced in humility and pride. One can be proud of their achievements and toot their own horn without seeking validation and avoiding critique by simply being honest with themselves and where they are in their own development as human beings, Artists, or entrepreneurs. There is no shame in sharing one's accomplishments as long as you leave the conversation open for debate or criticism and lose the arrogance. It is far more inspirational to see humility personified than be full of oneself.

Live With Love or Die of a Brain Tumor?

c/o Anne Taintor

     This week, with all of the stress I have been under the previous few weeks with balancing issues with my work, at home, and with family, the computer that is my brain went into error mode and literally shut down. I stopped thinking and was running in a sort of 'DOS mode' where I could not remember stuff, make simple decisions or think things through and I even began to stutter.  To make matters worse, I have been getting severe migraine headaches and have had dizzy spells. I went into a bit of a scare as I somehow got bumps  on my head and thought that I might even have a tumor forming at the base of my skull or may even have had a stroke. 

     My stress and fear manifested this, of course. Whether or not I have a brain tumor or stroke, I created the pain and bumps with the way I have been thinking, so only I can heal it by changing the way I think. (Also, I have no health insurance, so relying on western medicine and finding out is not an option at this point). 

     Louise L. Hay classifies headaches and brain tumors as "Invalidating the self. Self-criticism. Fear." and  "Incorrect computerized beliefs. Stubborn. Refusing to change old patterns." I have been stuck in this pattern of thinking that I have to struggle through this next step of my life because I have struggled so much up to this point. My fear stems from not wanting to suffer any more, so suffering came to me in the form of this head injury/disease. I vibrated on the frequency of that, hence creating my reality and synthesizing this disease.

c/o Anne Taintor

     However rough this idea is, I have believed all my life that suffering is a part of life and we all must endure it in some form. Maybe that belief is wrong. Do we have to suffer? Does life have to be this hard? I know that with all good must come bad and one cannot exist without the other, but at this point in my life, can't I just simply enjoy the ride?  Haven't I suffered enough? I am now willing to release this idea of suffering and the fear of struggle, as it is a limiting belief and it is literally making me sick.


     These next few weeks, I must stop everything I am focusing on with new art projects, website building, branding, home improvements, mom stuff and wife stuff, and I focus on ME. Instead of spreading myself thin,  I devote my energy into expanding my consciousness to create this change in thinking and allowing receptivity to all the good and abundance in this universe. I must meditate and tap into prosperity consciousness and plant the seeds of change in how I see myself, my relationships and my future. This process is not new to me, as it has been a many years of realizations that brought me here, and my struggles brought me the strength and awareness I need to get to this point. But perhaps realizing my own mortality has made me ready for this need to be at my true highest self.


My Affirmations for the week: "I love and approve of myself"
                                                "I see myself and what I do with eyes of love."
                                                " I am safe."


    

"Believe in Your F*cking Self"

This month, I put on my 'Designer' hat and got to work on marketing and branding. I have been reinventing myself a bit in order to create a likable brand. Not only have I had to do this for myself, but for a portfolio of collaborative work as well. I took a good long look at all that Nicholas and I have accomplished and tried to create an identity that our market can identify with. This branding path forced me to ask the questions, Where are we going? What makes us happy? Who are we? What is our course? Who is our market? Who really loves us?

Through all this, the Who really loves us? part is what has confounded me the most and I am STUCK. I have been a deer in the headlights with that one, as I haven't been sure I love myself enough to answer it. I came across this little diddy today (below) and as foul as it is, it really spoke to me and opened my eyes wider to what my real problem was. 

c/o http://goodfuckingdesignadvice.com

I can relate to the madness of this as I am slacking right now and feel like I need a f*cking drill sergeant to stand above me with my lowered head and yell the slacker right out of me. That would get me to hold my head up high and stand up straight and motivate.

The reason I am slacking is I am having trouble with the first thing on this poster. "Believe in your f*cking self" Why is that so f*cking hard?!? I do stay up all night, I do work outside of my habits and anything relatively normal, I collaborate, I network, I speak up, I am working it... but I don't f*cking BELIEVE enough. 

One thing I have done well on that list is question everything, including myself and my work. It's been a gremlin eating away inside my head, constantly critiquing every little thing and making me second guess what I have. I have wracked my brain for days trying to knock this sucker loose and get my thoughts back, and found that the only thing that will get rid of him is GRATITUDE.

I have been so focused on what needs to be done and what I need to change that I have forgotten what works and what is beautiful about what we have. I forgot how fortunate we are to have the talent and the gumption to do this and make beautiful things. I forgot to thank the universe for this journey. 

I am going to put down the pen and tools today and meditate on this. Perhaps once I get to that place of gratitude the rest will f*cking fall in place.

     "It is crucial that we learn the great value of human existence, 

       the opportunity and the potential that our brief lives afford us...

       such thoughts inspire us to make our human existence purposeful"

                                    -The Dalai Lama

    

     "Good times gone but you feed it
       Hate's grown strong you feel you need it
       Just one thing do you know
       What you think that the world owes you
       What's gonna set you free
       Look inside and you'll see
       When you've got so much to say
       It's called gratitude"

                                   -The Beastie Boys, Gratitude

"Get Me Off This Thing!" (A Note on Paying Our F***ing Dues)

     The title of this reflects my frustration as a business woman and as an Artist who is still paying her dues and not yet reaping results that are comforting. What I mean by 'comforting' is getting past that point in one's career where fear subsides and you can honestly say to yourself with conviction,
        "I am going to make it in this field...
          I am not going to tread water anymore, I will safely sail...
           I am not going to struggle anymore...
 
I am not quite there yet, and being in my late thirties, that scares me sh**less!

c/o http://www.getmeoffthisthing.com

     What is meant by saying "paying dues" and "making it" is different for an artist or artisan than that of a typical business that sells products not created by themselves. That means to us that we have to have the talent first and refine it for years, then find our niche, then create a portfolio of work that represents our voice, then create a 'brand' that can be marketed, then create connections that get our work out there, then create collectors or a market for your work. (Try doing all of that while making very little money, too and if you are mot supported by someone else, it becomes damn near impossible!)

     After all that, (which can take years to decades to do), an artist/artisan can say that they can survive on their creations and the 'paying dues' part is behind us. Until then, strap in tight, 'cause it's a wild ride! (And I am honestly ready to get off! )


    I would say that I am at the part where I know my niche, I have an awesome portfolio, I have connections, and am working on creating a brand right now, so I can begin the marketing component. This part is the hardest, because there is so much at stake and it takes so much money, and time and you cannot stop once you begin this part. I repeat, you cannot stop!  This is the part where we really have to OWN IT!

c/o http://www.redpandatrek.blogspot.com

      
     I am close to the top of the mountain, but the top is the most treacherous ground. The rocks are snowy, the climb all vertical, the resources dwindling and the air is thin. I have worked tirelessly with my partner, Nicholas over the past 12 years to get just where we are now and still have not reached the summit. We are so close.... But, I am growing weary, and feel like I could just give up and let the mountain take me.

     This is the part where we call in reinforcements. Here is where I ask the Universe for anything and anyone who can help. This is the part where fear kicks in....We are vulnerable, and isolated and a little light-headed and I am afraid those/that we need will not come. I am afraid we are invisible. Fear, after all this badass work, is still lingering! 
     
     Fear lingers in self-consciousness, it sneaks in when being critiqued, and it hovers over every work that goes out without the proper fanfare. It haunts us when we see our own friends not support us, It hits us in the head when we sell a piece for less than it's worth; it makes us devalue our work. It makes me question what we are doing and why. Why am I so afraid? This climb is not for the faint of heart. Can we make it?

    The 'stakes is high.' We are going into battle with the mountain now and need all the energy we can get. Sending out an S.O.S. to universe to save us now.


    

The Importance of Creative Endeavors

 As life in our society becomes more and more stressful these days, the human body becomes an anxious being. I have seem countless acquaintances and loved ones slip into an anxious disfunction and lose themselves in the process by being overwhelmed with stress. I have seen myself do this many times, and find myself focusing on the wrong things in life and procrastinating what really needs my attention. I lose myself in obsessive compulsions and begin organizing a cabinet, when I really should be making phone calls for work or obsessing about minor details in mundane things that consume me. This anxious energy comes from my creative process being stifled and becomes a viscous cycle that stifles my creative process even further.

    With the recent opposition of planetary influences, I have seen many people I know get caught up in this cycle too. I see bright, creative individuals stop creating, and get stuck, as they anxiously over-analyze their relationships and destroy them, or form new OCDs like hoarding, nervous ticks, extreme dieting, and compulsive-exercising.

     What I notice in all of us when this happens, is that we are all going through something huge in our lives, and to divert our attention from what is really stressful to deal with, we develop these compulsions to feel as if we are accomplishing something more. It gives us a false sense of control and security when we focus on these attainable and self-fulfilling goals. We might be accomplished, as we end up with really clean houses or super skinny, or with really cluttered spaces full of too much stuff.  What we are doing though, is avoiding, and are creating this cycle of procrastination fueled by and fueling anxiety.

Keeping myself solvent and sane by creating art.

     However, when we put this energy towards creative tasks or creative lifestyles, this anxiety is not fed, but is energy converted. This energy becomes something that is put into form that has purpose and not wasted on vain pursuits. Not everyone has this creative flow, as some people are good in non-creative environments and can thrive sorting mail daily or cutting lawns, but for those of us who love to create, it is essential to utilize this energy that we are blessed with and not waste it.

     What I have discovered about myself is that I have to prioritize creativity in my life. If I find myself devoting my time to something that requires no creativity, I get anxious. I need to create all of the time. Whether I am creating wonderful dishes to feed my family, writing poetry and fiction, or having the creative career that I have, I need that to keep solvent and sane! If I don't, I end up an anxious mess!

A Patient Science in Every Process

      The biggest reason I have chosen a creative path in my life is that I love the science that is involved in every process and toll that I take on. When I work with learning something requiring the scientific method and difficult, like metal, for instance, I challenge myself to learn more than the actual process. With many conversions and chemical reactions to practice and learn and I learn to approach each artwork with care and serious patience.   Not only is a new challenge rewarded, but patience is perfected. I also reach a meditative state when entering my zone where I perfect my medium and become part of the piece when in that place of peace.

     To learn any creative process takes time; that applies to anything in life. A baby isn't just born, it gestates and with that gestation, comes a perfectly formed creation. A person doesn't just grow up, they take years to learn a grow and find themselves. Nothing worthwhile is instant. You can't just decide you are proficient at any medium, there is a long process of development involved.

     Lately, I have become very impatient with my own creative process, my art and my hands, especially. My entire body has been going through a rebuilding process and work has been turtle slow. Everything takes me longer now and I have to patiently work my way back to where I was. I want to just be able to walk into my studio, work a few hours, and have a piece done and ready for sale. NOPE! My works take many days, weeks and even months to complete and I just want to skip the whole testing part altogether and get to the end....but again, nothing comes easy. I have to be even more tolerant than usual and rebuild my patience.

     The only way I am going to overcome that impatience is to challenge it. So, I entered myself into a contest recently. What better way is there to challenge myself than with a little healthy competition, eh??? I chose for this competition, a very difficult process; one that will instill in me the renewed patience that I so need. In the past few weeks, I have been toiling away, testing and re-testing, sampling each variety of medium and found the perfect ones with which to work. I chose batik on china silk...seriously challenging!

Color testing with dyes.

     Once the science part started, I was immediately excited, and fervor re-entered my space. I bought all new dyes, fabrics and waxes and did several dozen tests to be sure I had the right combination of those to get the perfect texture, colour, pattern, and transparency. The results were fun, I learned new techniques, and I re-charged my patience.

6 of 24 wax and dye samples

           After weeks of patiently practicing, I set myself up with the super nice silk to finally do my final work for the contest. After choosing the right fabric, wax and color combination, and patterns, I spent another week on the final piece. I got a little frustrated towards the end of the process, as the deadline encroached and I was often interrupted with friends stopping by or kidnapping me to go to rock concerts, but after a difficult last minute push and an over-nighter post Elton John, I made the submission deadline within minutes! I also submitted a pretty cool piece. (Now, if I can just win that $5000!)

When looking at the results of my persistence, I come to a place of serenity within my art. Although, not my usual medium of metal, and certainly not my typical design work, as I had to conform to contest design guidelines, I am rather pleased with what I learned from this project.

Jordan Winery Contest piece "Hibiscus and Citrus Notes" 

     Anyone can say that they can do something, but to practice and be persistent with something to perfection just confirms that the journey is more valuable than the destination and better results are obtained when one takes the time to learn all there is to learn about something before diving in.

A Love For Food...Food For Love

     Snuggling up with my honey all day,  the Valentine holiday closing in on us, my love for him kindles a fire in my belly. Thinking of creative ways to show my affection, (knowing the way to his heart), I envision this week a food menu that is fit for love. 

     My focus is to tantalize the senses with colorful, fresh, organic vegetables, bright, aromatic herbs and arousing presentations, with every meal always ending in the perfect combination of sweet and spice. Being not at liberty to divulge my exact menu (as I want to surprise my love with these dishes), I instead divulge my ingredients, each chosen for their heart-benefiting and love-life-benefiting qualities.

  

     For love of nature and of all things green, leafy greens, asparagus, avocado and fresh basil are always main ingredients in my kitchen. My favorite being avocado, this succulent fruit contains mega amounts of B vitamins, Potassium and Omega 3s for energy and oleic acid, which fights bad cholesterol. Its one-two punch of B6 and folic acid can boost histamine levels, (which help in getting to the 'O' moment, if ya know what I mean.) The fat in these can scare some people off, but it's the good fat and helps make testosterone in men, so the 'love' benefits far outweigh.

     Also containing delicious amounts of folic acid is asparagus and leafy greens like kale and spinach. Most lovers would turn away from these pungent and bitter veggies, but blended with sweeter flavors like garlic and red peppers, can be divine. Adding Vitamins A, C, B6, thiamin and fiber, it will certainly energize and increase stamina!

     Mushrooms are a no-brainer, as they have been touted for centuries in Chinese medicine to have an aphrodisiac quality. Marinated, they can be as juicy as a steak, or be added to any dish to make it heartier for the meat-eating man to enjoy equally.

     For love of red and of lycopene, tomatoes offer a beautiful presentation for the holiday. They have been studied to increase fertility in women with their anti-inflammatory qualities. Their presentation amongst fresh basil and a drizzle of balsamic can awaken the senses and make one tingly as the combination increases circulation!

     For dessert, one cannot keep a vital antioxidant from the mix like pure, dark chocolate. It is the food of the gods and myths of Ancient Rome and Greece. It is the most passionate ingredient in my kitchen. I slip this into dishes like spicy mole` sauces and tomato based soups for an added depth and richness. This food of gods has an amazingly high level of antioxidants, but also has theobromine, which is stimulating to circulation. It also stimulates the brain as this combination increases serotonin, creating the feeling of bliss. Mixing with almonds, mint, or into a luscious fondue to dip strawberries, well, I can't think of anything sexier!

     

Unhealthy Comparisons

     To achieve life's goals, a sense of community and belonging can really give things a boost. To learn and grow amongst peers with like goals and vision is imperative to the process of self improvement, education, and creating a life worth living. That is partly why the college experience is so important for personal development. As a college-educated Artist currently working in a community of other Artists, I feel that even now as my career is maturing. I know instinctively that the communal sense is part of the experience for a reason. However, I would rather be a total recluse.

      If I could have things my way, I would be living deep in the woods, far from people. But I force myself to be part of something, despite my yearning to be far away from anyone who could criticize, or that I can compare myself to. It is an eternal, internal battle I fight daily. I recently read a circulation in the blog-o-sphere that made me laugh, but also made me think. It listed ten items that would make an artist miserable, one of which I am guilty. Number 1 on the list, "Constantly compare yourself to others.." It is mostly why I want to isolate myself from others. My conscience tells me otherwise and I daily force myself naked into a lions den , (or, at least that is how it feels for me).

     I try to legitimize my pension for seclusion by then comparing myself to other artists/writers/musicians throughout history that were quite successful being hermits. Most unfortunately, the majority of my them were drug addicts, suffered greatly from depression and/or suffered an awful demise. Not for me, thanks!

     So my argument fails me and I discipline myself to go to my studio and be social, even to the extent of being an art rep on their board... (Naked + lions den = me). Such is a position that automatically puts me in a most vulnerable place, as the Board does not see me or the Artists of the complex on the same level as them or the Artists that they may collect and admire. It is most humbling, and despite the belittling, I feel I do an alright job of it and challenge myself to the greatest adversity; succeed despite what others think is success. Going there every day and seeing amazing art pouring out of the studios all around me and trying everyday not to compare myself or my work to others' is challenging, yet it I do it, almost masochistically.

     As creative individuals, our will is strong and goes against our conscience to force seclusion to avoid that comparison. We cannot strive to be someone else, but only see what is special in our own work. It is beneficial to be part of something that can be a measuring stick and a motivator to continue working. 

     This could apply to every goal in life. Just do not get lost in the comparison part, because everyone is different; everyone is built differently, has something different to offer, sees things differently, and has a different way of doing things. We are all the same in one way, and that is our unique expression of humanity, which, ultimately is our inspiration and our guide. Therefor, in an effort of self-preservation, I continue to force myself out there and am fortunate to be in such a creative place.

"Always Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide"

I know I am guilty of using Disney mythology quite a bit lately, with my references to philosophy via Pooh & friends, and love for enchanted forests. I regress again and take a little detour into the world of the 1940 film "Pinocchio"(based on the children's book by Carlo Collodi). No better words ring true to guarantee happiness than the little diddy that Jiminy Cricket sings to Pinocchio in his moment of youthful indiscretion.



As we learn and grow, mistakes may be made when the conscience is not heard. Our conscience intuition is our greatest human trait, yet it is a gift that is often left unopened. It allows us to love, to see what's right and know the future just by envisioning it. Those who ignore it, may become "successful" in their chosen profession or wealthy via greed, but true love and true, real success come from conscious decisions and doing things with a whistle and a cricket on your shoulder!

CRASH! BANG! BOOM! (AKA: Badass Down!)

Screeeeeech.....CRASH!

I had no choice but to hit the squeaky-white, brand-new BMW at 40 mph as it jumped out in front of me. My car, totaled. Me, broken. {end scene}

After whiplash, two sprained thumbs and a subsequent ambulance ride, hospital visit, a painful chiropractor adjustment, 10 orthopedics doctors visits, two MRIs, 16 weeks of PT, and eight weeks of getting my shit together to file a claim to their insurance company and dealing with attorneys...after all that, I was out of work for EIGHT months.

Eight frickin' months of not being able to pick up my tools, I wasted away in my mind. I stopped doing anything related to my art. I even stopped posting on this here blog! Of course, I kept my mind from completely leaving me by just accomplishing small tasks of everyday hum-drum stuff that needs to be done, but I couldn't force myself to create anything else except than what my own hands were making before the accident.

I went from a super-badass to a tired, cranky miserable bitch! I kept solvent, and I forced a few small artworks; a few hand-made paper pieces, a watercolor of my cat, (and a lot of confections coming out of my kitchen), and went from making $20-30,000 pieces out of metal to making crafts for under $100. I felt I pretty much lost myself.

I lost part of me for a while, but what kept me from disappearing completely was HOPE and FAITH. I had to be optimistic and see myself working again and had to hold on hard to faith that was fleeting, faith that the universe will soon again provide. Now it is eight months later and after it's all said and done, I am walking away with a meager sum to cover my losses, (thank you, Warren Buffet for being so cheap!) But I also am finally getting myself back.

I am getting back a stronger, sharper, more powerful badass. Recovery from a fall is what makes a badass to begin with. It makes us more beautiful with our scars, more resolved as we recover losses, and more determined to kick even more ass in our field of dreams.

I hereby return to the creative world with fervor and grace.