Live With Love or Die of a Brain Tumor?

c/o Anne Taintor

     This week, with all of the stress I have been under the previous few weeks with balancing issues with my work, at home, and with family, the computer that is my brain went into error mode and literally shut down. I stopped thinking and was running in a sort of 'DOS mode' where I could not remember stuff, make simple decisions or think things through and I even began to stutter.  To make matters worse, I have been getting severe migraine headaches and have had dizzy spells. I went into a bit of a scare as I somehow got bumps  on my head and thought that I might even have a tumor forming at the base of my skull or may even have had a stroke. 

     My stress and fear manifested this, of course. Whether or not I have a brain tumor or stroke, I created the pain and bumps with the way I have been thinking, so only I can heal it by changing the way I think. (Also, I have no health insurance, so relying on western medicine and finding out is not an option at this point). 

     Louise L. Hay classifies headaches and brain tumors as "Invalidating the self. Self-criticism. Fear." and  "Incorrect computerized beliefs. Stubborn. Refusing to change old patterns." I have been stuck in this pattern of thinking that I have to struggle through this next step of my life because I have struggled so much up to this point. My fear stems from not wanting to suffer any more, so suffering came to me in the form of this head injury/disease. I vibrated on the frequency of that, hence creating my reality and synthesizing this disease.

c/o Anne Taintor

     However rough this idea is, I have believed all my life that suffering is a part of life and we all must endure it in some form. Maybe that belief is wrong. Do we have to suffer? Does life have to be this hard? I know that with all good must come bad and one cannot exist without the other, but at this point in my life, can't I just simply enjoy the ride?  Haven't I suffered enough? I am now willing to release this idea of suffering and the fear of struggle, as it is a limiting belief and it is literally making me sick.


     These next few weeks, I must stop everything I am focusing on with new art projects, website building, branding, home improvements, mom stuff and wife stuff, and I focus on ME. Instead of spreading myself thin,  I devote my energy into expanding my consciousness to create this change in thinking and allowing receptivity to all the good and abundance in this universe. I must meditate and tap into prosperity consciousness and plant the seeds of change in how I see myself, my relationships and my future. This process is not new to me, as it has been a many years of realizations that brought me here, and my struggles brought me the strength and awareness I need to get to this point. But perhaps realizing my own mortality has made me ready for this need to be at my true highest self.


My Affirmations for the week: "I love and approve of myself"
                                                "I see myself and what I do with eyes of love."
                                                " I am safe."