I Am Not Afraid to Admit I Suck

      Yes, I can admit it... I sucked at sales. I fell short in my career and was part of that 85% that could not close the sale. I spent so much of my energy in developing relationships and keeping them up, that I felt uncomfortable approaching people for their money. I got stuck here and was ready to give up. 

      Notice I refer to this particular weakness in the past tense. I made a realization of this weakness, and am now confirming my belief that it is behind me. I now am honing my technique to close the deal.

     I have been absorbing all this information about marketing and sales for the past three-four years. My approach was to take every free seminar, free workshop and even pay for workshops and memberships to networking organizations. Some of them were repeats of the same information, but most of these were very helpful in pulling me out of my shell to build relationships and educate me on the tools available to me in the Artists community. I finally FELT the potential to make the sales I wanted... but I always fell short when it came to the conversation of money. I feared rejection. Whole art pieces become actualized on paper, but when I came to sell them, would fail to get the price I wanted or make any money at all.

     Now, I must become master of my domain. Bringing in marketing specialists, action coaches, professional photographers, videographers and all the help I can get will be my focus. Blogging about it all will allow me to process this part and ascend to the highest level I can imagine. I can do this. I am not afraid.

      "Do the thing you fear to do and keep on doing it...
          that is the quickest and surest way ever yet discovered to conquer fear. "

                                                                                                         -Dale Carnegie

Is It Crass to 'Shamelessly' Self-Promote?

     When I see Artists, friends or lecturers/presenters who enter the world of shameless self promotion and plug themselves constantly, I can't help but get annoyed by them and question how the ego fits in to all of this. I sometimes find it tactless and lacking sensitivity to send several e-mails plugging one opening, post their unfinished work on Facebook several times a day asking for approval, posting photos of themselves and plug themselves on other peoples comments or pages. I get very turned off and want nothing to do with them, their shows, work or presentations. Then I think, is it healthy in business and as an Artist to be so full of yourself and be all ego or is it better to be more humble and leave pride at the doorstep?

knowhr.com

     It is of vital importance in any walk of life to have a healthy ego in order to live a peaceful life and be comfortable in one's own skin. A healthy ego is defined as a pattern of continuity; the ego says, "This is who I am." The ego works as a guard, standing watch protecting us from harm.  A person with a healthy ego knows who they are and can take criticism well. They can project an effective persona that is genuine and true to themselves, which is attractive and energetic. They have an easier time making friends and interacting with others and attracting business.


     A weak ego is constantly seeking validation from others. I see it all the time on Facebook or in blogs when someone is fishing for compliments on a daily basis through posting photos of themselves looking overtly sexy or multiple photos of their work in progress asking "what do you think of my latest work?" I have been guilty of this myself in the past. It is a seemingly harmless idea that to me is completely transparent. I avoid commenting on these, as they are signs of weakness that I would rather not encourage. If I see in in lectures or spamming ads of openings, my attention is immediately diverted as well.

     Those seeking constant validation are avoiding be honest with themselves or engaging in an honest conversation with others, as they are self aggrandizing and  trying to project the person they wish to be. This betrays their own identity, as they are not coming from a place of strength or wholeness. These posts or plugs often come off as arrogant or conceited and those who see through it are instantly turned off, while unassuming others validate them by commenting on it. This arrogance is compensation for a lack of self-actualization and comfort in what they do or where they are in their lives or careers. 


     A person can shamelessly self promote with fervor and grace as long as they remain balanced in humility and pride. One can be proud of their achievements and toot their own horn without seeking validation and avoiding critique by simply being honest with themselves and where they are in their own development as human beings, Artists, or entrepreneurs. There is no shame in sharing one's accomplishments as long as you leave the conversation open for debate or criticism and lose the arrogance. It is far more inspirational to see humility personified than be full of oneself.

Live With Love or Die of a Brain Tumor?

c/o Anne Taintor

     This week, with all of the stress I have been under the previous few weeks with balancing issues with my work, at home, and with family, the computer that is my brain went into error mode and literally shut down. I stopped thinking and was running in a sort of 'DOS mode' where I could not remember stuff, make simple decisions or think things through and I even began to stutter.  To make matters worse, I have been getting severe migraine headaches and have had dizzy spells. I went into a bit of a scare as I somehow got bumps  on my head and thought that I might even have a tumor forming at the base of my skull or may even have had a stroke. 

     My stress and fear manifested this, of course. Whether or not I have a brain tumor or stroke, I created the pain and bumps with the way I have been thinking, so only I can heal it by changing the way I think. (Also, I have no health insurance, so relying on western medicine and finding out is not an option at this point). 

     Louise L. Hay classifies headaches and brain tumors as "Invalidating the self. Self-criticism. Fear." and  "Incorrect computerized beliefs. Stubborn. Refusing to change old patterns." I have been stuck in this pattern of thinking that I have to struggle through this next step of my life because I have struggled so much up to this point. My fear stems from not wanting to suffer any more, so suffering came to me in the form of this head injury/disease. I vibrated on the frequency of that, hence creating my reality and synthesizing this disease.

c/o Anne Taintor

     However rough this idea is, I have believed all my life that suffering is a part of life and we all must endure it in some form. Maybe that belief is wrong. Do we have to suffer? Does life have to be this hard? I know that with all good must come bad and one cannot exist without the other, but at this point in my life, can't I just simply enjoy the ride?  Haven't I suffered enough? I am now willing to release this idea of suffering and the fear of struggle, as it is a limiting belief and it is literally making me sick.


     These next few weeks, I must stop everything I am focusing on with new art projects, website building, branding, home improvements, mom stuff and wife stuff, and I focus on ME. Instead of spreading myself thin,  I devote my energy into expanding my consciousness to create this change in thinking and allowing receptivity to all the good and abundance in this universe. I must meditate and tap into prosperity consciousness and plant the seeds of change in how I see myself, my relationships and my future. This process is not new to me, as it has been a many years of realizations that brought me here, and my struggles brought me the strength and awareness I need to get to this point. But perhaps realizing my own mortality has made me ready for this need to be at my true highest self.


My Affirmations for the week: "I love and approve of myself"
                                                "I see myself and what I do with eyes of love."
                                                " I am safe."


    

"Believe in Your F*cking Self"

This month, I put on my 'Designer' hat and got to work on marketing and branding. I have been reinventing myself a bit in order to create a likable brand. Not only have I had to do this for myself, but for a portfolio of collaborative work as well. I took a good long look at all that Nicholas and I have accomplished and tried to create an identity that our market can identify with. This branding path forced me to ask the questions, Where are we going? What makes us happy? Who are we? What is our course? Who is our market? Who really loves us?

Through all this, the Who really loves us? part is what has confounded me the most and I am STUCK. I have been a deer in the headlights with that one, as I haven't been sure I love myself enough to answer it. I came across this little diddy today (below) and as foul as it is, it really spoke to me and opened my eyes wider to what my real problem was. 

c/o http://goodfuckingdesignadvice.com

I can relate to the madness of this as I am slacking right now and feel like I need a f*cking drill sergeant to stand above me with my lowered head and yell the slacker right out of me. That would get me to hold my head up high and stand up straight and motivate.

The reason I am slacking is I am having trouble with the first thing on this poster. "Believe in your f*cking self" Why is that so f*cking hard?!? I do stay up all night, I do work outside of my habits and anything relatively normal, I collaborate, I network, I speak up, I am working it... but I don't f*cking BELIEVE enough. 

One thing I have done well on that list is question everything, including myself and my work. It's been a gremlin eating away inside my head, constantly critiquing every little thing and making me second guess what I have. I have wracked my brain for days trying to knock this sucker loose and get my thoughts back, and found that the only thing that will get rid of him is GRATITUDE.

I have been so focused on what needs to be done and what I need to change that I have forgotten what works and what is beautiful about what we have. I forgot how fortunate we are to have the talent and the gumption to do this and make beautiful things. I forgot to thank the universe for this journey. 

I am going to put down the pen and tools today and meditate on this. Perhaps once I get to that place of gratitude the rest will f*cking fall in place.

     "It is crucial that we learn the great value of human existence, 

       the opportunity and the potential that our brief lives afford us...

       such thoughts inspire us to make our human existence purposeful"

                                    -The Dalai Lama

    

     "Good times gone but you feed it
       Hate's grown strong you feel you need it
       Just one thing do you know
       What you think that the world owes you
       What's gonna set you free
       Look inside and you'll see
       When you've got so much to say
       It's called gratitude"

                                   -The Beastie Boys, Gratitude

"Get Me Off This Thing!" (A Note on Paying Our F***ing Dues)

     The title of this reflects my frustration as a business woman and as an Artist who is still paying her dues and not yet reaping results that are comforting. What I mean by 'comforting' is getting past that point in one's career where fear subsides and you can honestly say to yourself with conviction,
        "I am going to make it in this field...
          I am not going to tread water anymore, I will safely sail...
           I am not going to struggle anymore...
 
I am not quite there yet, and being in my late thirties, that scares me sh**less!

c/o http://www.getmeoffthisthing.com

     What is meant by saying "paying dues" and "making it" is different for an artist or artisan than that of a typical business that sells products not created by themselves. That means to us that we have to have the talent first and refine it for years, then find our niche, then create a portfolio of work that represents our voice, then create a 'brand' that can be marketed, then create connections that get our work out there, then create collectors or a market for your work. (Try doing all of that while making very little money, too and if you are mot supported by someone else, it becomes damn near impossible!)

     After all that, (which can take years to decades to do), an artist/artisan can say that they can survive on their creations and the 'paying dues' part is behind us. Until then, strap in tight, 'cause it's a wild ride! (And I am honestly ready to get off! )


    I would say that I am at the part where I know my niche, I have an awesome portfolio, I have connections, and am working on creating a brand right now, so I can begin the marketing component. This part is the hardest, because there is so much at stake and it takes so much money, and time and you cannot stop once you begin this part. I repeat, you cannot stop!  This is the part where we really have to OWN IT!

c/o http://www.redpandatrek.blogspot.com

      
     I am close to the top of the mountain, but the top is the most treacherous ground. The rocks are snowy, the climb all vertical, the resources dwindling and the air is thin. I have worked tirelessly with my partner, Nicholas over the past 12 years to get just where we are now and still have not reached the summit. We are so close.... But, I am growing weary, and feel like I could just give up and let the mountain take me.

     This is the part where we call in reinforcements. Here is where I ask the Universe for anything and anyone who can help. This is the part where fear kicks in....We are vulnerable, and isolated and a little light-headed and I am afraid those/that we need will not come. I am afraid we are invisible. Fear, after all this badass work, is still lingering! 
     
     Fear lingers in self-consciousness, it sneaks in when being critiqued, and it hovers over every work that goes out without the proper fanfare. It haunts us when we see our own friends not support us, It hits us in the head when we sell a piece for less than it's worth; it makes us devalue our work. It makes me question what we are doing and why. Why am I so afraid? This climb is not for the faint of heart. Can we make it?

    The 'stakes is high.' We are going into battle with the mountain now and need all the energy we can get. Sending out an S.O.S. to universe to save us now.