Unhealthy Comparisons

     To achieve life's goals, a sense of community and belonging can really give things a boost. To learn and grow amongst peers with like goals and vision is imperative to the process of self improvement, education, and creating a life worth living. That is partly why the college experience is so important for personal development. As a college-educated Artist currently working in a community of other Artists, I feel that even now as my career is maturing. I know instinctively that the communal sense is part of the experience for a reason. However, I would rather be a total recluse.

      If I could have things my way, I would be living deep in the woods, far from people. But I force myself to be part of something, despite my yearning to be far away from anyone who could criticize, or that I can compare myself to. It is an eternal, internal battle I fight daily. I recently read a circulation in the blog-o-sphere that made me laugh, but also made me think. It listed ten items that would make an artist miserable, one of which I am guilty. Number 1 on the list, "Constantly compare yourself to others.." It is mostly why I want to isolate myself from others. My conscience tells me otherwise and I daily force myself naked into a lions den , (or, at least that is how it feels for me).

     I try to legitimize my pension for seclusion by then comparing myself to other artists/writers/musicians throughout history that were quite successful being hermits. Most unfortunately, the majority of my them were drug addicts, suffered greatly from depression and/or suffered an awful demise. Not for me, thanks!

     So my argument fails me and I discipline myself to go to my studio and be social, even to the extent of being an art rep on their board... (Naked + lions den = me). Such is a position that automatically puts me in a most vulnerable place, as the Board does not see me or the Artists of the complex on the same level as them or the Artists that they may collect and admire. It is most humbling, and despite the belittling, I feel I do an alright job of it and challenge myself to the greatest adversity; succeed despite what others think is success. Going there every day and seeing amazing art pouring out of the studios all around me and trying everyday not to compare myself or my work to others' is challenging, yet it I do it, almost masochistically.

     As creative individuals, our will is strong and goes against our conscience to force seclusion to avoid that comparison. We cannot strive to be someone else, but only see what is special in our own work. It is beneficial to be part of something that can be a measuring stick and a motivator to continue working. 

     This could apply to every goal in life. Just do not get lost in the comparison part, because everyone is different; everyone is built differently, has something different to offer, sees things differently, and has a different way of doing things. We are all the same in one way, and that is our unique expression of humanity, which, ultimately is our inspiration and our guide. Therefor, in an effort of self-preservation, I continue to force myself out there and am fortunate to be in such a creative place.